It seems like every year without fail, Holiday music creeps into the atmosphere of every TJMaxx and ShopRite earlier and earlier. All you’re trying to do is innocently shop for a new bra and BAM: CHRISTMAS TO THE FACE in late October. I’m of the school of thought that we should bask in the crispness of Autumn, savor the meaning of Thanksgiving (not the Colonialism bit, but the togetherness and gratitude part) and enjoy our tryptophan comas in peace without being assaulted by those godforsaken jingle bells everywhere we turn. Maybe that makes me look like a cute ‘n curvy lil Eb Scrooge, but so be it! I prefer to wait until one door closes before opening another, stepping further and further into the madness that is the holiday season.
…but now that we’ve made it here — knee-deep in December, strangled by ribbons, blinded by Rudolph’s nose and jabbed by holly — I suppose it’s time to talk shop (and not Santa’s): holiday music. Christmas carols commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ have been around since the 4th century but were not immediately associated with the holiday of Christmas until the 13th century. According to howstuffworks.com, “Saint Francis of Assisi, the Roman Catholic saint of animals and the environment, is often credited with incorporating upbeat Latin hymns into Christmas services. The energetic, joyful carols were sung in sharp contrast to the somber Christmas music of the day”. Carolers would often gather in town squares and “sing for their supper”, so to speak, given mince pies and other tasty treats as a thanks for their performance. In modern times, many caroling groups gather to sing and raise money for charities and parishes.
The less pagan, more commercialized rung on the Christmas ladder came with the adaptation of Saint Nicholas into Santa Claus, characterized by his big belly, long white beard, and generally (and suspiciously) jolly demeanor. Kids ate this sh*t up BIG TIME, and parents fueled the narrative that if they behaved, Santa would get them everything their greedy little baby capitalist hearts could desire. Macy’s department store featured Santa at the tail end of every Thanksgiving parade from its inception in 1924, and Santa became a staple in the lyrics of Christmas songs since then. Move over Jesus, there’s a new sheriff in town! Am I going to Hell? I might be going to Hell.
Christmas Pop music really started to take off in the 1930’s, with a string of classics that the general populous still know and love today. Bangers like “Silent Night”, “Winter Wonderland”, and “Jingle Bells” made way for the next surge of fun sing along tracks. Crooners like Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra dominated the charts with their take on tunes such as “White Christmas” and “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”, made famous by Judy Garland in the MGM studio film Meet Me In St. Louis. In the 1960’s famed (and now somewhat infamous) record producer and songwriter Phil Spector cranked out massive hits with his signature Wall of Sound production style, enveloping the listener in an orchestral assault and layers upon layers upon layers of sound. Among some of his most iconic holiday hits The Ronettes’ “Sleigh Ride” and Darlene Love’s “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”. That same music production tactic can be heard through the 60’s and up to today, the best example being Kelly Clarkson’s 2013 “Underneath the Tree”.
Now of course, I would be remiss if I did not mention the Queen of Christmas herself, the OG Ms. Mariah Mimi/Butterfly/five-octave vocal range Carey. Mariah first blessed us with her first holiday album Merry Christmas in 1994, and the world has not been the same since then (and I have not recovered). You can’t think about entering a karaoke bar from November 1st through New Year’s Day and avoid being assaulted with drunk biddies attempting that F# toward the end of the song like a chorus of feral wolves howling at the blood moon. I am convinced that the KGB injected that song with some top secret formula that will eventually become the harbinger of societal downfall, but until that day comes, you best believe I’ll be howling with those drunk girls at Ed & Mary’s (my favorite Jersey City bar) and worshiping at the altar of Mariah all season long.
Wishing all you readers an amazing holiday season and a kickass new year to come!
