At the top of every New Year lies a mountain of pressure – pressure to be better, achieve more, reinvent ourselves. The familiar urge we have to “go big or go home” rears its ugly head, tempting us to go all in; Quit drinking cold turkey, bury ourselves in a mountain of vegetables and drown in green juices, or to hit the gym 7 days a week (despite fatigue, because “pain is weakness leaving the body”) and achieve the ideal body, an image fed to us by devious marketing schemes and compounded by the male/female/non-binary gaze. We’ve all been there, standing on our soapboxes of self-loathing, flailing our arms and screaming “NEW YEAR, NEW ME!”. But what if instead we stood back and took a critical look at the person we have become? What would we see? I prefer to take stock in the achievements, failures, moments and memories that have erected the person who stands proudly before you. Flaws and all, I choose to honor the person that I am, rather than completely discount her and attempt to eradicate her from existence. Now, I’m not saying you can’t have goals for the New Year. I’m just saying not to throw the baby out with the bathwater (what did that baby even do to you anyway, and where is its mother?).
I find that in times of harsh self-criticism, or at the top of a New Year when we’re being bombarded with messages to change, the power of a well-curated playlist is immeasurable. Music is a constant. While trends in music change as often as you change your undies, our favorite songs are reliable and unwavering. We can depend on the music we love to be consistent, even if we ourselves as humans are not. Music transports us to different emotions and states of being by manipulating moods. I’ve been crafting playlists for years to match situations and emotional states; Any regular reader of Karjaka knows that this is my bread and butter. The accompanying playlists I create for each article I write are meant to enhance the words on the page and deliver the reader to the headspace I was in when I was furiously typing. They’re meant to be listened to in sequence, but can easily be shuffled and the same sentiment applies. I think of myself as fabricating an immersive experience of sorts…and the same goes for my personal playlists. Think of a playlist as a snowglobe; Each playlist is a microcosm, wherein exists a different reality. Your collection of playlists is like a shelf on which each one of these little worlds exist. Some are filled with tearful ballads and a resonant, rich chorus of strings, evoking a cloudy and gloomy mood for those days that aren’t so great. Others can be uplifting and sunny, riddled with sugary pop tracks and bouncy melodies to unburden the mind and lift the spirits.
Some days we want to exist in our pity party bubble, tucked into a gravity blanket with a fistfull of tissues. Lewis Capaldi and his disconsolate tracks are excellent accompaniment to my sad sack behavior. Society tells us to push through our sadness and ignore our exhaustion. But why? I for one want to feel, because that’s what makes life so profound. If a sad Cabbage Patch Doll of a Scottish man wailing away doesn’t tug on the heartstrings, I don’t know what does. Now, when I want to remember what a boss I am, my playlist “cocky” is the move. It’s full of powerful, confident anthems by artists like Cardi B, RuPaul, Tinashe, Megan Thee Stallion and other similar artists who know their worth and proclaim it proudly to the world. I put this playlist on and S-T-R-U-T, very few (if none at all) f*cks given; My head held high and hips swiveling, feeling like the baddest 5’2” bitch on the planet. Now, I am not claiming to love every single thing about myself (though as you know, I am quite fabulous) or that I have it all figured out. I’m a sentient sack of blood of bones just like you! I’m fumbling my way through this journey of radical self-acceptance like anyone else would because I am human. It has taken me a long time to get to the place that I am, and every day I have to remind myself that I am perfectly imperfect, and that is more than ok. Our moods are meant to fluctuate, as is our progress. But the key is not to let it bring us down or wave the white flag and give up if we slip up. Even if I attempt something and fail, I dust myself off and carry on. I carpe the damn diem. Some diems, I don’t carpe as much. But a bitch does the best she can, and that’s what counts.
I want to encourage you to really listen to what your body and mind are craving. Locate the behaviors, people, situations that are not serving you and strive to make changes that honor your needs instead of those that align with a societal ideal. F*ck what society thinks you need, you’re steering the ship here! We’re going to take the first small step in your self-preservation journey with the one thing I know best: music. Ok, now it’s time for the homework portion of this article. I want you to think about the soundtrack to your life. What does that sound like? What feelings do you want it to evoke? My assignment for you is to compile a playlist on whatever medium you choose (cassette for the OG’s, Spotify, Apple Music, pen & paper…) and determine at least 10 songs that allow you to bask in your uniqueness. Find your constants and immerse yourself in them. What type of music defines you? What artists empower you and lift you up? You can title your playlist as simply as just your initials, or assign a title that has a secret meaning to you and you alone. It can span across all genres, tempos and moods, so long as it comforts you and emancipates you from the notion that you are something to be modified rather than celebrated and commended.
There is so much about each and every one of you that should not be discounted or glazed over in an attempt to reinvent yourself. The truth of the matter is that humans are complex and messy and sometimes very lazy. We are flawed, and that is a truth we need to accept. The impulse to jam on the brakes, launch into a new routine and show everyone that you are in the process of achieving the equivalent of ego-driven social nirvana is not sustainable. And those flaws I was mentioning earlier? They are beautiful. They are what make you inherently, well, you. If you take away one thing from this article, let it be this mantra: “I honor who I was, who I am, and who I will become”. Here are some tunes to help empower you (in as non-cheesy of a way as possible) and remind you who the hell you are, you unique and wonderful son of a bitch.
