It’s a universal and somewhat taboo subject. It’s something that some people will do anything to have. Sometimes it comes with its own unique set of complications and risks, but also some near euphoric reward. You’ve set the scene for a perfect end to the evening: There are enough candles lit to initiate a seance. Your apartment smells like spicy clove, a hint of citrus, and maybe a splash of bourbon from the little spill you had during your date pregame earlier. The lights are dim and the curtains are drawn; It’s time to get down to business.
He’s feeling it…you’re feeling it. He grazes the small of your back with his fingertips and an undeniable chill runs up your spine. One thing leads to another, and before you know it you’re rolling around giving each other a very sexy tongue lashing. Body parts are mashing together and the tension grows, just ripe for the finale. Then all of a sudden you realize it’s quiet…too quiet. AH! The playlist. The playlist! You run to throw on the ultimate soundtrack to accompany all the heavy breathing and rustling that is likely to ensue…well, that is, if you’re anything like me. As a sex-positive music lover, I am all about crafting the moment – and bedroom activities are no exception.
I have sometimes wondered what makes us want to assign music to our most intimate moments. First and foremost, it cuts the tension, especially with a newer partner. As humans, we have a difficult time sitting in silence. Finding ways to fill that silence – whether it be with commentary or the background noise of a Netflix show you’re certainly not actively watching – is something that comes as second nature to us. I know personally that my awkward fumbling with a partner seems much less potentially embarrassing with the musings of Raveena backing me up.
Second, music not only adds a much needed layer to the overall ambiance, but it can be extremely grounding. Typically in therapy when we are taught to utilize grounding techniques, we’re meant to identify things we touch, see, smell, taste and hear. Think back on the last time you were about to engage in an amorous congress (don’t get too excited now). Try to recall your senses in that moment: Tasting your partner’s lips, smelling the sweet aroma of their skin, running your fingers through their hair, gazing deeply and intently into their eyes…of course it would just make sense that mood music is a perfect way to round out the sensual potpourri you’re experiencing.
Another reason we allocate tunes to our aggressive cuddling is our innate desire to share with other humans in order to establish and deepen our bonds. As we know, music is a catalyst for connection. It would therefore make perfect sense that in a moment representing pleasure and closeness that we would want the music we play to bring us together on more than a carnal level. We have all collected certain songs from our relationships, whether they be past or present. Then there’s the more music-theory driven explanation to all of this, and that would be the music itself being intentionally written for fans to engage in the horizontal mambo to. Artists like Usher, The Weeknd, and the legendary Marvin Gaye have capitalized on our sex-obsessed culture and catered exclusively to the female gaze. Lyrically, these artists have displayed the elusive male vulnerability. And what is sex if not the ultimate test of vulnerability? The lyrics of songs by male artists like the aforementioned are serving those listening the tenderness they want to come from their partner’s mouth. Take, for example, the incomparable Prince and his song “Breakfast Can Wait”:
I mean, JESUS. I’m a hungry girl in the morning, but if my bedfellow woke up, rolled over, and said that to me, I’d make sure I was full until dinner if you catch my drift. Besides lyrics, there are so many other elements of a song that turn the heat up. Generally, tempo is the easiest to determine. Most baby makin’ music is slow and steady, inviting all participants to relax and ease into the groove. Add in a bassline thick like honey, some buzzy synth and a little gentle falsetto, and you, my friend, have the makings of a song that help create a Very Sensual Moment™.
Now that I’ve got you all hot and bothered, take a gander at the accompanying playlist I’ve made just for you (and whoever might be joining you in bed). You can thank me later…or name your first kid after me, whatever works. -NV
