The things you inherit from your parents can be physical, psychological, and ideological. For instance, I got my mother’s little nose, her compassion, and her anxiety. My father gave me his speech cadence and his athletic endurance, as well as his smile. They both passed on their love of music in different ways. As a newborn, my dad would pick me up and dance with me along to CD’s; In one precious home video, he’s gently swaying me in his arms to Frankie Valli’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”. My dad taught me how to play the drums when I was 8 years old and broadened my knowledge of classic rock, eagerly combing through his favorite albums track by track as I soaked up the knowledge like a little wide-eyed sponge. My mother schlepped me to Gymboree Play & Music classes as a toddler, taught me about disco while regaling me with stories about her wild nights at Studio 54, and cooed along with Karen Carpenter in the car. Of course with this running start, I continued on in my sonic exploration and pursuit of music that moved me. I often wonder how – if and when the time comes – I will give the gift of music to my children. Do I go through the alphabet from ABBA to ZZ Top? Where do I even start? How will my taste in music change? Will I, as a parent, get caught up in a perpetual loop of Sesame Street sing-along songs, bashing my head against a wall with no escape hatch in sight?
I’m not planning on reproducing anytime in the near future, but luckily for me I am friends with a number of fantastic new mothers that allowed me to pick their brains: Lily, Alyssa, and Lauren were all eager and helpful resources in my quest to figure out how the mind of a mother works in relation to music. I wanted to know their first memories tied to music, to really dig deep into where it all began for them. Lauren recalls a specific instance in her dad’s hatchback, driving down the highway. Her father couldn’t stand ‘kids’ music (i.e. Barney and Raffi) and would tell her brother and her for years that he physically couldn’t listen to it while he was driving or he’d fall asleep at the wheel. Reluctantly (and fearfully), they let him listen to his radio. “I was 4 years old. ‘Red Red Wine’ by UB40 came on. I must have heard it before because I began singing the lyrics. My dad looked at me through the rearview mirror, his eyes gleaming with pride, and asked me how I knew the words. Maybe that was the moment that started my obsession with learning all the lyrics to every song, which continues to persist to this day”. The car seemed to be a hotspot among us all for our formative music education, Alyssa specifically recalling hearing Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” and Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes’ “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” in the car at 3 years old. Lily’s first core music memory was swinging on her swingset with her father to Ace of Base’s “The Sign” (it was her first cassette and she was obsessed with it). She distinctly remembers being gifted her first CD from her brother Eddie. “It was the Spice Girls CD. I think my brother got it for himself because he thought they were hot, didn’t really care for the music, and then gave it to me”.
Every mother’s experience with birth is different, and so too should be the music they choose to play in the moment. Some want comforting, soothing spa tunes and the musings of artists like Enya or Norah Jones, while others might opt for Slayer or Slipknot to scream along to in agony. For Alyssa, it was an easy choice: “Songbird” by Fleetwood Mac is the song her son Max came into the world to, and she wouldn’t have had it any other way. Lauren knew exactly what she wanted to hear during her labor and delivery of her daughter Margot. “My birth playlist was 90’s/00’s rock like 3 Doors Down, Goo Goo Dolls, and Lit. I needed something I could sing every word to so I didn’t have to think about anything else!” Opting for distraction and familiarity…a tactic I think I’d employ myself, and not just because I selfishly want my kid coming out kicking to Foo Fighters. While Lauren (an organized Virgo) was adamant about her music choice in the delivery room, Lily’s birthing experience was much more chaotic and spontaneous. Having gone into labor a whole 3 weeks earlier than anticipated with her son Declan, she didn’t have much time to prepare her music accompaniment, let alone to buy a carseat for the ride home from the hospital. “They offered me music but I didn’t have any”, says Lily. “Your girl was in a state of shock”.
So, how do each of these moms plan to expose their kids to music? What role do they see music playing in their kids’ lives, their upbringings? “Now that I have my own daughter, I want her to appreciate music the way I was taught to” says Lauren. “While we, of course, listen to Raffi (he’s pretty good), we also expose her to the good stuff, which now happens to be Harry Styles on repeat. And when we need a little background music at dinner, I might put on Kidz Bop so she gets the pop exposure with a more simple beat”. Alyssa finds it imperative to foster individuality in her son when it comes to music. “My plan is to expose Max to all different kinds of music, not just things I like. I want him to explore. Music is number 1 for me (I’m all about music), but I don’t want to be his only influence. I can’t wait to celebrate the music he is into. Music in and of itself is a language. I really want him to find his own voice…that’s really important to me.” Lily said it all started in the womb for her son Declan. “I feel like I exposed him to a lot of music when I was pregnant just because of how I am always listening to music – getting ready, doing my routine, at work – while he was cooking in there, he heard a lot.” For the future, she, like Alyssa, is open minded. “I don’t wanna force any type of music on him because I listen to such a wide variety, and he should be well-balanced in music taste. Right now I see music affecting his moods. Country gets him relaxed, and when The Gaslight Anthem comes on his eyes are wide open. It’s so fun to watch him reacting to music”.
The playlist accompanying this article is going to be a little…different, to say the least. I went down a rabbit hole remembering all the songs I used to listen to as a child, and I felt compelled to spread the nostalgia. The first part of this playlist will be exactly that: silly songs that make kids squeal with delight and clap their hands like little maniacs (and ones that you just might remember and sing along to). The second half of the playlist is inspired by the pop and rock music our parents exposed us to, and the music my friends gave birth to. Take a listen, and don’t forget to give a mom in your life a big hug…for all the hours she listened to Baby Shark or The Wiggles instead of shaking her ass to Ludacris, she deserves at least that much. -NV
